Friday, January 22, 2010

Finally had the urge to blog. Wek. Sigh... Had a freakishly realistic sort of dream. I dreamt of hari khiamat. Judgement Day. The end of time. Yadda yadda.

Yup.

Its fucking scary.

But that dream made me realise a lot of things. You know i once said that if that theory about 2012 is real, then let it be. i will just calmly accept it. But i realise that i can't calmly accept it. I finally realised that i'm scared of death- which i didn't think i would be. I thought that death is a necessity, we're going back to our creator, nothing to be scared of. But when i was experiencing death in the dream, i was controlled by fear. It was damn scary. All of the world was there. My family and I were hugging each other as we saw the red planet coming closer to us, bhd the red orb was a blue planet. Both were approaching us. And i closed my eyes and hugged my family tighter than ever. Then a thought came into my mind.

"Am i going to go to hell?" I imagined the fire in hell which is hotter than the Sun, and me being tortured in hell. I was just too enraptured in fear that i couldn't think straight. I thought of going back to following back the old way and abandon my OWN beliefs for fear of going back to hell. But then somehow, another thought popped inside my mind. The whole reason why i decided to abandon the old way and adopt this whole new set of way of life. Before all this happened, before the judgement day happened, i have always strongly held onto my own way of life and beliefs and i promised myself that i will hold onto it even till my afterlife, even if i go to hell for it. i shall never give up on my way.

But my will was shaken up by the fear, this unimaginable fear . I was afraid, i was afraid of this omnipotent and all-powerful entity. Just an ounce of the entity's power already made me so scared till i was about to sucuumb to it, how could i ever thought of standing up to it. No, i couldn't think at all.

But then the moment i was about to die, i was in another dream. I was in 'Naruto' world and i was in Naruto's shoes and also a spectator watching the dream. I know what you all are thinking. 'So random'.
But to me, the dream is connected. As you all know i'm an otaku and my life revolve around anime. Music, documentary and movies always taught you something. For me, Naruto has taught me a lot of things in life. Mostly about persistence and determination. I was in sec 1 when i first watched Naruto. As you all know, i was having my social anxiety was the strongest during sec 1. I was a stupid timid son of a bitch who is scared of going out of my house. I know many of you are going to laugh at me but watching it actually gave me courage and determination every single time i have to go out of my house and overcome the obstacles in my life. Don't you all have something that impacted in your life greatly? Thats what Naruto did for me, and that's why i had the determination and courage to adopt my new way of life.

After my sense of determination was rejuvenated, i was back in the hari khiamat dream, and i died obviously, but no more controlled by fear. Yes there was still fear, but my determination to stand beside my beliefs was alive too. And i was ready for judgement.

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It was a really meaningful dream for me. I don't regret my choice to have this belief of mine. I'm scared of dying,i found out. A lot of things that i learnt from this dream. Haha, guess what time i woke up today? 5 pm. LOL!! Awesome or what! Haha, but i'm not so hyper as usual now 'coz of the after effects of the dream. I'm sure you know how it feels like after having a big impactful dream.
That's all i wanted to blog about 'coz i really need an outlet to tell all this things to.

Oh, and this is my new boyfriend!!! Shougo Midorikawa!! Okay, this is the actor, not the character. You should totally watch HolyLand! 'coz it Holy MOLY awesome! Its a Jap drama about this guy who is always bullied in school so he stopped coming to school for a few years. In those years, he learnt boxing from a book. And he always go the city at night because its the only place where he felt like he belonged. But because he look so weak, thugs always pick on him and on instinct to defend himself, he punched them using the boxing 1-2. Because of that, more thugs go after him and after he defeated them, he was dubbed the 'Yankee Hunter' even though all he wanted to do was to be in the city at night as that was his 'HolyLand'. Its damn sad but awesome and makes you go all WOOHOO!!!













This last pic is the character Shougo which i'm so in love with!!! Marry me Shougo!!!

tea is served @ 7:19 PM --------------------------------------------------------------